S-i-g-h!!! Yes, dear beloved border collie is at it again! Not content with humping the hosepipe in the summer, he has to eat every single snowflake in winter (when else?) and tries to eat all the snow when it lies on the ground. Anyone else have a dog like this? I have no idea what he thinks snow is, but I really don't think he's is honestly thinking 'yum, dinner time' but with him, you never know. That's one for Cesar Millan isn't it, bet a pound to a penny he wouldn't have an answer for that. Imagine if you will, a crowded arena somewhere in England and The Dog Whisperer, the Great Cesar Millan is introduced to the crowd. After the talks and the instructions on how to be your pack's leader, the inevitable cry goes up: 'Any questions?' My hand goes up, and I'm picked. I take the mic and say: 'Cesar, why does my border collie hump the hosepipe in summer and try catching every snowflake and eating as much snow as he can get down his gullet in winter?' I can imagine the howls of laughter reverberating around the arena, and poor Cesar standing on stage open mouthed as he thinks 'What am I doing here?' it would be a riot, I bet he wouldn't have an answer for that but as I'm unable to go to any of his shows we are never likely to know the answer LOL, what a shame eh? cos I'd LOVE to know. I mean, the hosepipe isn't even female dog shaped ya know?
Oh Paul O'Grady, how heartbreaking was that show tonight? You HAVE GOT TO COME BACK somehow to TV, this CANNOT be the last of you at teatime. Surely someone, somewhere can get you a deal to come back?
You have a wonderful way of chatting to your guests like they're old friends and it makes the viewers feel like we are too. No one else has the same knack of making people feel instantly at home like you do, and you get away with saying things to your guests that other people cannot do, take for instance saying to Dame Shirley Bassey: 'Your'e a frustrated stripper really' - anyone else would have had a clout in the face, but you just get laughter and everyone loves you for it. You get away with it because you are, like me, a Scouser and you have that irreplaceable cheeky charm that cannot be taught. You are missed already matey, get back on TV soon or else ok? - you really are missed already. You are an institution at five o' clock and please note I did say you are an institution, not you should be in an institution, just before you start kicking off heh heh. Whoever decided they couldn't afford you needs their bumps feeling, how can they let you go? - well, they can only sit and watch the viewing figures slide to zero 'At Five on Four' now that they've let you and your hilarious show go for good. It's our loss my friend and what a shame!
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